What are you having with your morning coffee?
Squeezing as much down time as you can out of your 15 minute morning break is an office artform. I remember going to the toilet before the break (because that doesn't count as part of the break) and then again after the break. A 15 minute break could end up lasting 20 or sometimes 25 minutes (never 30, that would be too obvious).
Then someone decides to get fit and bring in their chicken and broccoli. Or worse, their cabbage or their steamed cauliflower. Steamed cauliflower is like an old hobo's blanket. I used to laugh so much when I'd open my lunch box and everyone would look around trying to figure out who's fart they could smell. Like meerkats. Head stretched on long necks, craning to get a better whiff, maybe discover the direction of the stench.
Finally, their scanning eyes would fall on me, red faced from laughing while I try to eat my tupperware of caulifart.
Funnier still were the days that they'd be yelling that someone has brought cauliflower into the lunch room again, but nobody had. Just a regular ol' fart. Everyone sniffing around taking deep breaths trying to work out where the cauliflower was.
They say simple things amuse simple minds. I must be very simple then.
Imagine if you could take in chocolate brownies to work and not get fat. Imagine if you could eat chocolate brownies at morning tea that were so healthy you could eat a lot of them and still not get fat. You could eat a lot of them and not feel tired.
Chocolate brownies so good that they melt your soul when you smell their delicate, loving aroma. So good that they crumble as you close your mouth on them. So good that they taste bad for you. But they're not. They're made of healthy ingredients, at home, and it didn't take you long at all.
Open these at work, and the caulibuse will change to brownie love, like zombies of love, everyone will creep closer.
Poor Brenda, who's sitting in the corner stomaching her sweaty, limp broccoli, or Gavin, who's been chewing the same piece of dried up chicken breast for nearly 20 minutes, willing himself to just swallow. Just swallow. Help them out, give them some of your healthy junk chocolate brownie.
Banish the caulifart from workplaces forever...